my wife's husband

I'm Tom. My wife matters. I matter by association. Other facts: I am a misanthrope with a heart of gold; My left leg is longer than my right and I blame Boston's sidewalks; I have a great memory but I don't get to use it often because I can't pay attention; I am not a liar but I lie like one; I am the fastest swimmer at my gym; I am the fattest person at my gym; Seriously, I can't pay attention; I like celery a lot; I don't like spinach but I can see why others might; I don't blog often because nobody cares, and nobody cares because I don't blog often; I'm not sad or lonely but sometimes I think I want to be; Beer is the most delicious of poisons; I hate semicolons and this has been a kind of therapy.
Ask me anything

May 1

Sara made me change my Tumblr name. She doesn’t want people to find her blog through mine. My wife’s husband is a lame title. I’ll think of something else in time.

More importantly, though, I just watched the Insane Clown Posse video for Miracles for the first time, courtesy of Bryan Mckay. My mind is sufficiently blown.