mr. sara beigle

Don't you just love it when...

hershapeinthedoorway:

facebook asks you to “reconnect” with dudes you dated 3+ years ago? I’m like, no, I didn’t even like that guy enough to bother telling him I was done dating him, why the hell would I want to reconnect with him over the facebook?

Which brings me to, I should probably massively unfriend sometime soonish.

You should have massively unfriended two-and-a-half years ago. Stop watching Veronica Mars and get on top of your shit already.

Adventures in pediatrics (God help me)

jackiegarlich:

Most kids don’t like getting drops in their eyes and it’s usually an ordeal to get them in.  I have been kicked while doing this before.  But yesterday was by far the worst kid ever.  When my friend Mona tried to put drops in, he called her a…wait for it….a bastard.  AND HE WAS THREE YEARS OLD.

AND THE MOM JUST LAUGHED.

Bastard was my first swear word!

“Mom, where’s Dad? It’s almost dinner time.”

“He must be be busy at work still.”

“That bastard.”

Mom did not find that funny. But I do, even though I still remember keenly the literal pain in my ass she brought about.

On a related note: I genuinely wanted to see something good, like, the actual definition of good. So I typed the URL: “please.com”. Manners inspire me. When I see other people who have good manners, whether or not I benefit directly, I feel joyful.

So what’s at please.com? Well, nothing really. But here are the keywords that make up the title: “romantic gifts men bang wife at please.com”

And to that I say, “No thank you.”

Her name is Maria.

And she understands what I do not, though I lived in close proximity to the aforementioned what for some time.  And she writes, oh, so very well.

http://www.nytimes.com/indexes/2009/11/22/style/t/index.html#pageName=22frieslandw

Nutcracker - Boston Ballet - Dec. 4th - $60

If you live in or near Boston and you want to see the Boston Ballet along with the Boston Orchestra performing The Nutcracker then follow this URL and get your groupon now! http://www.groupon.com/deals/boston-ballet-12-4-4

It’s $60 per person for seats that would normally cost $102 per person.  I’m directing you to the Dec. 4th showing because that’s when Sara and I want to see it and we still need 40 people to buy for that day for our groupon to go through.

Hopefully Sara will reblog this since I don’t tumble enough for anyone to notice me.

If you’re interested you must buy the groupon in the next 4 days.

My first Groupon buy!

http://www.groupon.com/r/uu313487

I give a f*** about an Oxford comma

[Rule #] 2. In a series of three or more terms with a single conjunction, use a comma after each term except the last.

Thus write:

red, white, and blue

gold, silver, or copper

He opened the letter, read it, and made a note of its contents.

From The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr. and E.B. White.

I woke up early this morning and Sara stayed in bed.  I tried watching You Only Live Twice but I became bored (which is basically blasphemy since Connery was, is, and will always be the coolest man ever).  So naturally I felt like reading a couple chapters about grammar and style.  Now I’m going to resume teaching myself how to use PHP and MySQL.

These are the sorts of things I do when I feel like being lazy.  Something is horribly wrong with me.

"soggy tampon"

That’s what my wife just said.  The rest is a blur.

Things that shouldn't piss me off, but do, a lot, part I:

Incorrect substitution of “then” for “than” …

Example 1: “I’d rather lick the blades of a running lawnmower then read one more stupid blog.”  INCORRECT.

Example 2: “I’d rather lose all my teeth in a circumcision gone terribly wrong than read one more stupid blog.” CORRECT.

See, in example 1, when I mean to state what I’d prefer I actually state what appears to be a desired chronology.  First I lick then lawn mower blades and second I read another blog.  But that just isn’t true.  Do people not know this about “then” and “than” or do they just not proofread / care?  I know it’s minor, but if you’re a native English speaker and you’re having trouble using the correct words (or you’re just not trying to) in a 50-word post, well, to me that’s the first warning sign that you might be A) an idiot or B) a d-bag .  Either way, I kind of hate the world and it’s basically your fault.

But I know I hold a minority opinion about which few people care.  But people should care.  Because I’m right.  And I’m going to find a way before I die to make being right matter again.  Then I’m going to hire that guy with the glasses from Heroes to track down these “then = than” people so we can cage them and hire people for whom English is a second, third, fourth or fifth language and who manage not to make this or many other ridiculously stupid mistakes to poke these people with sharp sticks for eight hours a day — these professional pokers will be paid salaries equivalent to those of modern-day professional athletes.  Meanwhile, because being right will matter, professional athletes will make minimum wage.